Janet T Christ is a multi-billionaire recluse, who lives suspended in a bubble of oil within the Earth's Van Allen radiation belt. In order to have her music performed in unsterile conditions, she has reared two giant golden hamsters, Stephen and Simon, who, via stunning sleight of hand, are able to appear live on her behalf. Neither hamster is able to bite due to a powerful electrode being inserted into there spinal columns, therefore it is perfectly safe to watch them perform or to take tea with them. However, never, ever wave a pink or green handkerchief or tissue within a 4 meter radius of them, as this can cause extreme distress. Apart from that, they are entirely normal. For hamsters